


Genetic Anomaly 6: The Beast From Krypton?!?

by DavidB1000



Series: Genetic Anomaly [6]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Even More Terrible Jokes!, F/F, Maggie's Life is complicated, Poor Kara, Superman Needs a Vacation, Temp GP!, Terrible Jokes!, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, poor Lena
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-05-21 04:27:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14908319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DavidB1000/pseuds/DavidB1000
Summary: The Title's based on the title of Superman Issue 666. The Beast From Krypton. Yeah, they had to do something special for that.Basically, in this story, things get a tad bit complicated as Kara invites Superman and Lois, and Alex and Maggie to what was supposed to be a quiet evening gathering. However, real life is what happens when you're busy making plans.Also, story is so big, it will come in two parts! Actually, 3 parts!





	1. Coronal Mass Ejection

Kara looked down at her hands and frowned. Everyone had arrived on time, and they had sat down at the table for the dinner she had planned out, but she suddenly got that strange sensation that she had near Red/Gold Kryptonite. 

Lena spoke. “Kara, what's wrong?”  
Kara shivered slightly, which made Alex nervous, and then Kara turned to Superman. “You feel it too, right?”

Superman frowned. “Yes.”  
Lois groaned. “Lena, I swear this unto you, if you are trying to play some prank...”  
Lena winced. “I'm not one to mess with Superman, that's my brother. I don't want to end up on the moon.”

Kara nodded. “Yeah, and she'd know I'd be the one to place her there. Oh, crap. I'm punchy again. That's not good.” 

Superman frowned. “Who got the food for this meal?”

“I cooked it!” Kara spoke a little loudly.  
Alex winced. “Okay. We can solve this before everyone who doesn't have a penis grows one.”

Superman chuckled. “I think it takes quite a bit of exposure to do that to humans.”  
Kara nodded. “Yeah. It takes several hours of exposure at least.”

Lena grinned. “I can assure you, any prank I would pull would not involve Red/Gold Kryptonite in food. Radiation poisoning is bad.”

Lois nodded, and Maggie frowned. “This is strange though. If Kara cooked the food, then it has to be something in this room.” 

Alex frowned. “What is going on here then? If the Red/Gold Kryptonite is in this room, how did it get here. Who would have placed it here, and where? It can't be in the food.” 

Kara grumbled. “I don't know. I'm mad, though.”  
Lena nodded. “I don't blame you. Relaxing visit turns into something out of La Blue Girl.”  
Alex snickered. “I think this is more Cool Devices, La Blue Girl only had that one lady who could grow a penis. Cool Devices was the one where every episode a woman grew a penis.”

Lois rolled her eyes and Superman chuckled slightly. “If we're going to go that route, I better call Zatanna in case the Tentacle creatures arrive.”

Maggie grinned. “Okay, Superman knowing about Tentacle Hentai. Did not expect that.”

“I'm not actually a boy scout.” Superman grinned.

Kara sighed. “I don't get it. I feel exposed and all, but I don't know where it's from. I don't even have the siren call that makes me actively seek out the Kryptonite.”

Alex frowned. “I'm thinking it must have been released as powder, or something microscopic.”

“That would be my guess too.” Superman spoke.

Lois looked down at her hands. “So, how do we go from here?”

Kara took a deep breath. “Until I gain a problem, everything should be fine. So, I suggest that we put aside the worry for right now.”

Superman nodded. “That would be for the best.”  
Lena took a deep breath herself. “In the interest of fairness, there are a lot of questions I've been wanting to ask, and I suppose now is as good as a time as any.”

Kara frowned. “Please don't bring up my big mistake.” She looked at the floor and blushed.

Superman noticed Kara's mood change. “Kara, what's wrong?”  
Alex frowned. “Kara, what happened?”

Lena winced. “I wasn't going to bring it up, at least near Alex and Maggie. It would have been awkward.”

Maggie looked around the room and then chuckled. “Oh, I see what happened.”  
Superman looked confused.  
Kara continued to blush.

Lois looked around. “Look, Kara, you've had to deal with the fact that there's a form of Kryptonite that makes you grow a penis. How is anything else more awkward or embarrassing?”

Lena chuckled. “Well, you'd be surprised. Apparently Kara and Superman have a lot in common.”  
Superman frowned. “I don't quite understand.”

Lena grinned. “Apparently, you two share the same fetishes.”  
Kara winced. “Lena!”  
Superman blushed and Lois put her face in her hands and winced.  
“Really, Kara?” Superman groaned.

“I'm sorry. It slipped out!” Kara groaned.

 

Alex frowned. “What the heck is going on here?”  
Kara groaned again. “I accidentally walked in on Lois and Superman having sex once!”

Maggie laughed. “Wow. Okay, that would be awkward. Not something you want to walk in on, seeing your cousin and his wife having sex.”

Lena grinned. “That's not the worst part.”  
Alex frowned. “What in the world?”

Lois groaned. “Look, we don't need to traumatize Alex.”

Alex blinked. “How could I be traumatized?” 

Kara shivered. “Ask Maggie.”

Maggie frowned, confused by everyone's reaction, and then a lightbulb clicked. She laughed. “Oh, really? Wow. Okay, Alex, I think you'd be traumatized because it's something you confessed to me about your party days.”

Alex's eyes widened as she understood Maggie's statement. “What the actual fuck?!”  
Kara groaned. “I didn't need to walk in and see cliché jokes about aliens coming to life, no.”

Superman winced and frowned. “Could Lord Satanus summon me down to Hell again, please?”  
Lois groaned. “Can I go this time too?”

Lena chuckled. “It's quite alright to know that anal probing isn't just a cliché.”

Alex groaned. “I really did not need to know what Superman's fetishes are!”

“That was actually more my fetish to be fair.” Lois grinned.  
Superman blushed again.  
Lena snickered. “Okay, that's pretty great to know, Lois.”

Maggie laughed. “So I can see why it's a bit awkward to know Superman isn't vanilla, but really now, it could be worse.”

Kara groaned. “So, can we move on.”  
“No.” Lena smirked.  
“Thanks, Lena.” Kara frowned.  
Lena grinned. “Dear, if I can't tease my girlfriend, who I only got together with after an accidental penis growth, who can I tease?” 

“Batman?” Superman suggested.

Lois snickered. “I don't think it's possible to tease Batman.”

 

Kara groaned. “Okay, so, I'm feeling better, despite the Red/Gold exposure, so it must not be enough to make me grow a problem.”

“Would you have wanted Lois to fix it this time?” Lena smirked.

Lois laughed. “Wait a minute, we're not swingers!”  
Maggie grinned. “Okay, the idea of Superman being a swinger is hilarious.”

Superman rolled his eyes. “At least this line of discussion is less awkward.”

Alex nodded. “Just don't tell anyone, Maggie.”

“Yeah, because I totally was planning on holding a press conference to announce that Lois Lane loves anal probing.” Maggie smirked.

Lois laughed. “That's not even how a press conference works.” 

“And then I'll just hold one saying Maggie was responsible for the assassination of J.F.K.” Superman smirked.

Maggie groaned. “That would be bad because everyone would believe you.”  
“Exactly! Why would Superman lie?” Superman grinned.  
Lois smirked. “I almost want some Red/Gold Kryptonite exposure just so I can probe Maggie.”

Maggie laughed. “I'm not saying I wouldn't be game for that, but just the image in my head is cracking me up.”

“Regardless, whatever the cause of this Red/Gold Kryptonite exposure this time seems to have faded away.” Kara spoke.

“And no surprise penis to worry about.” Alex smirked.

“I still can't believe this whole event.” Lena spoke.  
Kara stood up and then her eyes widened as an all too familiar sensation hit her body. “I apparently lied!”  
She rushed into the bathroom in the blink of an eye.

Lena walked down the hall and knocked on the door. “Kara, what's wrong?”  
“I grew a penis again! AGHHH!” Kara groaned.

Superman winced. “Well, it's time for me to leave.”  
Lois laughed. “Better not stand up, you might grow a vagina!” 

Superman glared at Lois in a friendly manner and stood up. “No, I did not grow any extra orifice.”  
Alex shook her head. “No one is getting Kara out of there.”

 

“Why does this happen to me?!” Kara groaned, her voice carrying into the living room through the hallway and locked bathroom door.

“Kara, dear, it's not like the sunspots are back again.” Lena spoke.

“I don't care!” Kara groaned. “I'm not leaving until I lose this again!”

“Yay Kryptonite Penis?” Lena chuckled.

Lois laughed. “Come on, Kara, we will help you. I mean, probably not me.”  
“Probably not?” Superman smirked.

“You've got a purty mouth there, Lois.” Maggie drawled.

Lois grinned and Kara poked her head out of the bathroom. “I don't want this problem!” 

Maggie chuckled. “Okay, I'll go in there and help fix you.”  
Alex laughed. “No, no, Maggie, you're my girlfriend. Not Kara's.”

“So, is this a bad time to mention that I did get with Kara once?” Maggie smirked.

Alex stuck her tongue out. “I believe that as much as I believe the rumors Batman loves Dick.”  
Lois laughed loudly. “Only Dick Grayson. That is the only Dick Batman loves.”

Maggie smirked. “Batwoman told me that, so it's true, Alex.”  
“Okay, I believe that about Batman.” Alex frowned. “But Kara, I know you, and I can't see you ever getting with Maggie.” 

Kara winced, taking a few steps away from the bathroom door. “It's true.”

“WHAT?!” Alex yelped.

“Red Kryptonite! I wasn't always crazy angry. I went to another bar, I met Maggie, we had a one-night stand.” Kara frowned. 

“I almost had a heart attack when I met her as Supergirl for the first time.” Maggie nodded. “Sorry I had to keep it from you, dear, it's just I was embarrassed.”

Alex frowned. “Well, I mean, I'm surprised. But I'm not honestly upset.”

Lois smiled. “See, Kara, you were worried for no reason.”

“Why did she tell you?” Alex asked, confused.

Maggie chuckled. “Yeah, about that...I slept with Lois once.”  
“YOU SLEPT WITH LOIS LANE?!?” Alex yelled.

Superman shook his head. “Oh, boy, Alex.” 

“Why are you so calm!?!” Alex groaned.

“It was years ago, and Superman thought it wasn't worth the world falling apart over.” Lois spoke.

Maggie nodded. “Yeah. It's not like he put me on the moon either.”

“Wouldn't have done that. If I was feeling pithy I'd drop you off on Machu Picchu while it's being built.” Superman grinned.

“Not there! I don't even have any ancestors tied to that section of the world!” Maggie laughed.

Kara grinned. “We can go back in time and go see!”  
“No, Kara, just no.” Alex groaned.

Lena chuckled. “I'll go take care of Kara before she gets too punchy. See you all later.”  
She stood up, walked over, and dragged Kara into the bedroom.

Superman just shook his head. 

Maggie chuckled. “Okay then. Well, they're going to be busy for awhile.”

“I would imagine so.” Alex snickered.

&^&

30 minutes later, Kara and Lena walked out of the bedroom and Kara sat down on the couch. “I'm feeling much better now.” 

“I'm glad.” Lois smiled.  
Kara frowned. “I still want to know what caused the Red/Gold Kryptonite exposure again.”  
“And why you were the only one really affected by it.” Alex nodded.

“That's the part that confuses me the most.” Kara frowned.  
Superman shrugged. “I'm not sure either. But I didn't grow or lose anything, and I felt it too. My only guess is somehow it does not affect me, or it requires a significantly longer exposure time to do anything to me.”

Kara frowned. “And where the heck did it come from?”


	2. Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long time coming, The second chapter! The gang play Truth or Dare long enough to get several truths revealed, and then the person who brought the Red/Gold Kryptonite is revealed!  
> Also, terrible jokes throughout because Superman even in the comics is not a boy scout. :)

Alex took a deep breath. “I have a theory as to who brought the Red/Gold Kryptonite.”   
Kara groaned. “Who could have done this?”  
“Who was here the earliest?” Alex asked.  
“Lena was with me, but she wouldn't do this, as she even pointed out.” Kara grumbled.  
“I arrived here the first, since Lena was with Kara, but I have even less of a reason to traumatize my cousin.” Superman chuckled.

“You're not wrong.” Kara nodded.   
“That leaves Maggie or Lois.” Kara groaned.  
Maggie chuckled. “I most certainly did not bring the Red/Gold Kryptonite.”   
Lois groaned. “How would I even get hold of it? It's not like they sell Red/Gold Kryptonite at the store!” 

Lena chuckled. “Okay. She does have a point. Look, let's distract ourselves. We should do what every group of friends does when they get together. We play Truth or Dare.” 

Kara frowned. “Okay, I guess that's fine. But please, no messed up dares for a long time.” 

Maggie grinned. “No worries. I don't want to be probed by Superman.”

Superman groaned. “Kara, I am still very annoyed with you for revealing that.”

“I'm sorry!” Kara winced. “It's not my fault it slipped out. Red/Gold makes me punchy!” 

“He's annoyed, not mad.” Lois smirked.  
Superman nodded. “One can be annoyed and not mad.” 

Kara groaned. “Okay, if we're going to do this, we need to lay out ground rules.”  
“No messed up stuff for now seems fair.” Alex spoke.

“Good.” Lena chuckled. “Because really, I think truth for now is the best way to handle this. Kara, who should go first?”   
“You suggested it, you get to pick.” Kara asked.  
Lena nodded, thought for a moment, and then grinned. “OH, Superman. I have to know, with how crazy my brother is, how would you kill him if you decided to do so?” 

Superman chuckled. “Unlike Zod, Lex I can just lobotomize if I really need to keep him harmless.”   
Lena grinned. “Okay, that's a good way to take care of him.” 

Kara nodded. “A very effective way too.” 

“You're not wrong there.” Alex spoke.  
Superman took a deep breath. “Okay. I think it's time we learned what goes on in that head, Alex.”

Kara smirked. “I don't think our X-Ray vision works like that.”  
Alex rolled her eyes. “Both of you are nerds. I swear it.”

“I am very smart and I love chess.” Superman smirked.

“I'm smarter than him and I also love chests. Er, Chess.” Kara grinned.

Lena laughed. “That was well played, dear.”   
Alex groaned. “Okay. So, what do you want to know?”  
“Kara's hinted at it, but how wild was your party days exactly?” Superman asked.

Alex groaned. “Okay. Okay. Look, I wasn't that crazy. I did a lot of Cocaine. I drank a lot. I had lots of sex. And yes, Maggie, sex where my ass hurt the next day.” She then smirked.

Maggie laughed. “Okay, that's fair enough.”   
Kara shook her head. “That's pretty messed up. But I knew about the drugs.” 

Lois grinned. “Poor Alex.”   
Alex groaned. “Look, I agreed to tell the truth, and then I did. But you know, the Lex answer Superman gave earlier makes me wonder, couldn't you use your super-ventriloquism power to make Lex give away all his money to charity?” 

Superman laughed. “I'm not saying I couldn't. But I don't see Lex as a puppet too much.”  
Lena chuckled. “I don't know. If we can't get my brother to give away his money to charity, we could make him give his money to Wayne Enterprises.” 

Lois laughed. “That would make Bruce's day.”  
“Hmm, is this a trick, Luthor?” Kara mimicked Batman's gruff voice as best as she could.  
Superman laughed. “Yeah, you're not that great at male voices.”   
“I know.” Kara frowned.

Alex grinned. “However, that was good enough, because that's totally how Batman would be.”  
Maggie frowned. “I honestly would make Lex buy out all the gay strip-clubs.”

“That would work too!” Lena laughed.  
Superman nodded. “That would work well.”

Lois grinned. “I remember reading about a joke where people said Lex could hide from you by running into a gay nightclub.” 

Superman shook his head. “No. That wouldn't work. How is he going to hide there of all places? It's not like people are going to get in my way and ask for my autograph.”   
Maggie laughed. “Well, they might want something from you.”   
Kara groaned. “That's pretty bad.”

Alex nodded. “However, I think it's time the truths relate to that wild and crazy Kryptonite.”  
“Pink Kryptonite?” Lena asked and then grinned.   
Kara groaned. “No, we're not talking about Gay Kryptonite.”

“Hold on a moment! There's a gay Kryptonite?!” Maggie asked.  
Lois laughed. “Yes.”   
Superman just rolled his eyes. “Jimmy was very confused why I told him he looked smashing in his outfit.”

Maggie burst out laughing. “Wait, not only does it make you gay, it makes you suddenly turn into someone who stepped out of like the 50s?”

Superman nodded. “Something like that.”   
“Wow. Okay. Well, I do want to know who brought the weird penis growing Kryptonite.” Maggie spoke.

“Don't look at me.” Alex grinned.

Superman glared at Lena. “Lena....”

Lena faltered under the glare. “Okay! I admit it! I brought it! I wasn't meaning to do anything weird! I just put a little bit in Kara's food while she wasn't looking. A little dusting. I thought in a tiny amount it wouldn't do much beyond make her punchy. It wasn't supposed to be messed up.” 

Kara frowned. “I am very disappointed to you. To the Phantom Zone with you.”   
Lois laughed. “No, no, you're not that mad.”

Superman frowned. “I can see Lena didn't mean to cause problems. However, care to see what Jupiter is like, Lena?”

“No! I don't want to weigh 2.5 times as much as I do now!” Lena gulped.  
“That's not even the problem. 30 minutes near Jupiter is enough to give lethal radiation poisoning to the average person.” Kara smirked.

Maggie frowned. “I think Lena needs a more fitting punishment.”   
Alex groaned. “What kind of messed up thoughts are going through your head, Maggie?”

“Hey, hey, I'm not probing anyone tonight.” Superman smirked.  
Lois frowned. “Ah, Man.... Now I'm sad.”  
Superman rolled his eyes, knowing Lois's sense of humor.

Lena relaxed slightly. “I am very glad to know that I don't have to worry about Superman's Super-Dickery.”

“I'm not going to fire a gun at you, rush over, catch the bullet, and then say 'next time I won't catch it!” Superman grinned.

“That's a good thing!” Kara grinned.

“Let's just not have Superman throw Lena out of the window of a 30th story building.” Alex smirked.

“In my defense, I swear, the wind was against me that day.” Superman grinned.

“Sure....” Maggie nodded. “That's just like the time this robber fled a store, ran into a group of marines, stabbed one, and then by the time the cops arrived that robber 'accidentally' fell down and broke multiple ribs, both arms, and received lots of other injuries.”

“And then there was the times where Superman just broke people's necks like it was going out of style.” Kara grinned.  
Superman nodded. “We all have to learn to be a hero.”   
“Well, it's not like you killed that many people.” Lois chuckled.

“They were all bad people too.” Maggie nodded.

Kara groaned. “You're not wrong. Still, Lena, wow. You and I are going to have a discussion later.”   
Maggie snickered. “I think we know what Kara means.”

Lena frowned. “My poor ass.”  
“I'm not that messed up!” Kara grinned.  
“Yes you are, dear.” Lena smirked.

Kara blushed furiously. Superman groaned. “Lena, Lex called, he wants you to dial it down a notch.”

Lena laughed. “The idea of Lex calling you is hilarious.”  
Lois nodded. “She's got a point.” 

“Still though. Dial it down a bit.” Superman smirked.

“Okay. That's fair enough.” Lena nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it's not over yet. One more to go. Let me know what you want to see.

**Author's Note:**

> Please give any suggestions to what you would like to see in the second part.


End file.
